I Refuse to Write a Poem About Body


Or bodies, plural, meaning corpses,
or warm things pressed together,
or in relation to each other, I refuse
to write about body meaning the specific
ways embraces are acceptable between
parents and children, I refuse to write
a poem about my body, meaning its shape,
which is wrong, but only in the wrong light,
except everybody is always casting
the wrong light on it, I refuse
to write a poem about my body, meaning
corpse, which haunts me every day,
asking me to build it, why haven’t I built
her yet, why haven’t I pieced together
the collection of blades and pressures
necessary to allow her to take my place,
I refuse to write about the awful sensations
bodies are capable of imposing upon each other,
like wet, or soft, or throat throat
throat, I refuse to say that body is a name
that means I want something other than this,
I refuse to write about callous, which is
a word for a body struck too many times to feel,
I refuse to strike any body ever again,
I refuse to strike matches against my body,
I refuse to match my body against the years
it is owed, which I have still not decided
to pay, I refuse to pierce my body with light,
striking myself pink and bright, meaning alive,
I refuse my body, meaning ghost, meaning I deny
him three times before the sun rises, before
the sun itself can strike my body against
itself until it makes the sound boy,
until it makes the sound I’m sorry,
until it makes the sound please,
until it makes the sound it is all I have
ever wanted.

Nora Hikari